


stowaway hearts

by forcynics



Series: vampire diaries ficathon fills [17]
Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/F, Pining, Pre-Series, crush on a friend, unrequited or mixed feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-14
Updated: 2012-01-14
Packaged: 2017-10-29 12:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forcynics/pseuds/forcynics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caroline teaches her how to be a cheerleader and somewhere along the way, Bonnie falls hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stowaway hearts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scorpiod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiod/gifts).



> Prompt: _I tried to do a handstand, but every time, I fell for you._

Caroline is the one who gets them into cheerleading. Obviously.

She took gymnastics lessons when she was five, and quickly declares herself the most expert. She’s also the one who decides that the three of them will try-out together, and only a few days into the summer is already working at their routine furiously, because “They can take us all or none!” The line become one she says over and over, and it’s usually accompanied by a wink that never fails to make Bonnie smile.

And see, she’s never really figured herself as _clumsy_ , but after enough tumbles and failed attempts to get her cartwheels up to par as they practice in Elena’s backyard, she’s willing to reconsider.

Caroline’s fond of teaching through demonstration, and is always more than happy to show off the proper way to nail the landing, usually accompanied by a flourish and a “Ta da!” And Elena, well, despite first struggling alongside Bonnie, she ends up picking it all up rather fast. Which, although she tries not to be bitter, Bonnie can’t help finding a bit unfair, because well, Elena is _Elena_ and it’s usually not worth it to make comparisons, but she’s always at least figured herself the quicker learner.

But she blows her hair out of her face, picks herself up from the ground, and lets Caroline count them in again, tapping her foot to the music blasting from the old boom-box.

And when she manages a cartwheel that – while shaky and not exactly elegant – doesn’t end up with her a tangle of limbs on the grass, and Caroline squeals and claps and shoots her a thumbs up, well, later Bonnie will look back and think that maybe this is where it all begins.

  
+

  
And this is how it develops:

Elena starts dating Matt, or at least, starts actually going out on dates with him even though the whole town’s been assuming they were a couple for years. Caroline freaks out about Elena being too busy to practice their routine with only a few weeks left before school starts, but eventually calms down when Elena assures her that a) she’s got the routine down pat and b) she’ll still make time for it, she’s not going to be one of those girls who has nothing to do with her friends once she gets a boyfriend.

Bonnie, however, _doesn’t_ have the routine down pat and needs the extra practice even if Elena’s off at the movies. So her and Caroline start practicing by themselves in Caroline’s backyard, with the boom box blasting and Caroline devoting every inch of her attention to Bonnie, which is, frankly, sometimes a bit more nerve-wracking than helpful.

She’s able to cartwheel almost perfectly now, but her legs are never “straight” enough for Caroline and it leads to a whole lot of bickering and frustration between them. Caroline wants everything to be _perfect_ , unsurprisingly, and Bonnie wishes she would just relax, because she’s _trying_ here, okay, and wouldn’t it be better to work on the flow of the routine instead of making sure her legs are at the exact right angle every time she cartwheels? (Which is only twice in the whole routine. Honestly.)

 _“No,”_ Caroline groans for the umpteenth time, distracting Bonnie while she’s got her legs up in the air and leading her to fall over. She glares at her friend as she straightens back up, ready to tell her to cut it out and get over it so they can just _move on_ , but Caroline’s already holding her hands up to ward off protest and rushing over.

“Sorry, sorry! Look just... let’s do it one more time, let me try something?”

Bonnie presses her lips together tightly, but Caroline looks so hopeful she relents. “Fine. One more time, Caroline, then we’re calling it good enough for today. Okay?”

“Got it!” Caroline flashes a quick grin, and gestures for her to try again.

Bonnie breathes in deeply, and then launches herself at the ground again, hands outstretched. She flings her legs up, and she can _feel_ that she’s a bit tilted, she does realize it—and then there’s a pair of hands on her legs, secure around her ankles and holding her there. She wobbles. “Caroline!”

“I’m helping, shush,” Caroline insists. “Look, feel this?” She’s pushing her legs up the extra inches, straight in the air, and Bonnie does feel it, the way it pulls the muscles in her legs, just how she needs to orient herself. “This is what you have to do,” Caroline is instructing. “Just get your legs up and then it’ll look a lot better when you’re coming down. And just—” She starts to run her hands down – up? – Bonnie’s legs slowly, spreading them a bit as she does. “Yeah, exactly, you need to get them farther apart, and that’ll help with the height too, and you’ll be more in synch with me and Elena.”

Bonnie swallows, uncomfortably aware of Caroline’s hands – weirdly cold, she’s always teased her about that – and glad she shaved her legs this morning because really, that would be embarrassing. “Can I come down now?” she manages to ask, trying to keep her voice light, and Caroline gives her a little push and down she comes.

Her calves feel warm – which doesn’t make any sense, because, um, cold hands – as she gets to her feet, and Caroline is grinning at her.

“Ta da!” Caroline chirps on cue, and Bonnie has the weird thought that she looks so adorable, and then, _shit._

  
+

  
The other reason for Caroline’s irritation with the Elena-and-Matt-situation comes out a few days later, when her and Bonnie are taking a break from practicing. They’re plopped down in the grass when she brings it up.

“Why’s Elena even like Matt anyway? He’s kinda boring, don’t you think?”

Bonnie shrugs. “He seems sweet.” It comes naturally, playing the peacemaker between her friends. “Besides, they’ve been friends, like, almost as long as us.”

Caroline gives a small grin at that, nudges Bonnie’s leg with her toe, and Bonnie bites back a grin of her own. But Caroline’s smile slips away and she grows pensive, biting her lip.

“Do you think she just wanted to be able to say she has a boyfriend?” Bonnie starts to raise an eyebrow and Caroline interjects quickly—“I’m not saying that’s _all_ , but you know, we’re gonna be _sophomores_ , that’s probably part of it.” She’s looking down, fiddling with a few pieces of grass she’s ripped up, and Bonnie sighs and sits up.

“ _Caroline_. Come on. You think we too won’t have boys falling all over us this year when we’re _cheerleaders?_ ” This at least gets a grin out of her friend, and that emboldens Bonnie to reach over and squeeze her knee. “Besides, jealousy doesn’t become you,” she teases.

Caroline pulls a face and gives her hair a toss. “ _I_ think I manage it quite attractively,” she sniffs dramatically, but the corner of her mouth quirks up and then she’s giggling, and Bonnie just manages to hold back from agreeing, _Yes, yes, actually, you do._

  
+

  
School rolls around and Elena’s still dating Matt, but true to her word, she kept up practicing with them so she won’t screw up at try-outs. Bonnie feels sick to her stomach as she stretches on the side of the field, but Caroline seems even more nervous, muttering to herself and nodding along as she goes over everything in her head and double-, triple-, quadruple-checking that she has the CD with their music, until finally Bonnie has to put a hand on her arm to get her attention.

“Hey. Stop freaking out, you _know_ you’re the best one here,” she teases, hoping to get a smile out of her friend, but Caroline only bites her lip.

“But that doesn’t matter! All or none!” she insists, and Bonnie knows that despite how crazily Caroline wants this, she honestly means it, and it makes something in her chest tight and warm all at once. She takes a deep breath, and places her hands on Caroline’s shoulders firmly.

“Caroline Forbes. Even if I screw up my cartwheel, or Elena trips over her own feet, you are not going to do anything but finish the routine with a smile on your face and accept your uniform later when they rightfully hand it over. Okay?” Caroline still looks worried, so she adds, “ _Someone_ needs to keep our place for us in the social hierarchy, right?” It’s an echo of something Caroline said the other day, and this does manage to earn her a smile.

“Okay. Okay.” Caroline looks upwards and exhales loudly. Then she glances down at Bonnie quickly. “But you’re _not_ gonna screw up your cartwheel, right?

Bonnie grins. “Right.”

  
+

  
She’s at her locker when Caroline appears out of nowhere and grabs her arm, tugging her through the crowded hallway.

"Hey! What- what's going on- _Ow_ " Bonnie sputters.

"You'll see, you'll see!" Caroline sing-songs, practically bouncing along.

"My locker's still open!" The protest is fairly half-hearted, though (it's not like she has anything valuable in there and she's pretty damn curious what this is all about).

Caroline glances back over her shoulder but doesn't slow her pace. "This is _way_ more important." She's grinning, and Bonnie realizes first that they're almost at the sports office, and then, _it's Friday_ , and that's when the cheerleading squad roster is going up.

"Look!" Caroline chooses that moment to shove her forward, so there's no way she can miss it, the yellow paper tacked up to the bulletin board— with her name right up at the top. And just a few names down is Caroline Forbes, and then Elena Gilbert, and even though it's right in front of her she almost doesn't believe it.

It takes a second for her to react, and then she spins around. "We made it! All of us!"

Caroline laughs, "All or none!" and then throws her arms around her, giddy and excited and smelling of strawberry shampoo and that vanilla perfume of hers that Bonnie's borrowed a few times on special occasions.

"Guess I never should have doubted you," she jokes, hugging her back.

Caroline pulls back with a grin. "Nope," she announces cheerfully, and taps Bonnie's nose as she adds, "And let _that_ be a life lesson to you, missy!"

She's smiling so brightly — bright, vivid, blinding: all words invented for Caroline Forbes, Bonnie thinks — and Bonnie's so suddenly bowled over by the urge to kiss her right there in the hallway that she has to look down at her feet and catch her breath.

There's a cold hand on her arm then, and Caroline's asking "You alright? I was kidding, you know—" and Bonnie lifts her head and manages to smile.

"Of course! We’re cheerleaders! Never been better," she lies, as if the ache in her chest is truly the best feeling world, as if it doesn't exist, because then it couldn't grow even worse as Caroline slings an arm around her shoulder and leads her back down the hall, excitedly chattering about how _awesome_ this is going to be and all the boys they'll meet.

  
+

  
Bonnie gets the call three weeks later when she's lying in bed puzzling out her Geography homework.

"You'll never guess what just happened!"

"Caroline?" she says stupidly, even though of course it's Caroline because no one else in the world is capable of sounding _that_ excited on a regular basis.

"Grantjustaskedmeout!"

The words jumble around in her head and she sits up. "What?"

"Grant! Just asked me out!" She blinks as Caroline rushes on. "You know, from the football team? He's friends with Matt! And me and Elena could double, oh my god, and- Oh! I'm sure- I think their friend Jason likes _you_ so wouldn't that be _amazing_?"

Bonnie's heard Caroline gushing about Grant for the past week or so — Grant with the dark hair and the green eyes and the wide smile, Grant from the football team, Grant who's friends with Matt... It goes on and on. She should have seen this coming and prepared something more eloquent than:

"Oh. Cool."

There's a pause. "Wait, what— that’s... all you have to say? Don't you think this is so great— I mean, wait, is there something wrong with Grant, you never said anything—"

"No, no," Bonnie reassures quickly. "Sorry, my dad's just yelling up at me, I can't really focus, I think— dishes, or dinner, yeah, I need to, um, go."

"Oh." Caroline sounds so disappointed and Bonnie wants to kick herself, feels like the shittiest friend ever.

"I'll call you back, yeah? And you can tell me every last detail!" She forces a cheerfulness to her voice.

"Sure!" Much perkier, much better. "And we can obsessively plan our triple date," Caroline adds with a giggle. "Kay, bye Bonnie!"

"Bye!"

The line goes dead and Bonnie slumps back against her pillows, her head a jumble of Caroline and Grant, and Jason Thomas of the double first names, who she's never exchanged more than two words with but who apparently likes her.

It's not that she's too skeptical to believe it — Caroline's generally fairly mysteriously reliable when it comes to these things — it's just that, well, there's a _reason_ she's never been as attention-seeking as Elena or Caroline (and not just the obvious fact that she has to play the middle man between them). She likes the _thought_ of attention, sure, but she usually doesn't quite know what to do when she actually gets it, feels more nervous or _uncomfortable_ than flattered when guys are overly flirty.

Except that now Elena has Matt and Caroline has Grant and then there's her. But it's not like Caroline and Grant are really going to last, she tells herself. Right?

  
+

  
They don’t.

Well. They last two weeks — two weeks of bumping into them making out at Caroline’s locker or by the football field or at Caroline’s house or pretty much _everywhere_ before they get in a stupid fight and finally, finally break-up (And yes, Bonnie is very much aware that being grateful about her best friend’s relationship ending makes her _the worst friend in the world_ ).

She has the random urge to _tell_ Caroline after she hears about the break-up, except that she doesn’t know what exactly she would say, and besides, it would be too... weird. Yeah, weird. Same reason she obviously hasn’t told Elena or anyone else. Explaining to someone would mean figuring out what there even is to explain, trying to decipher the messy bundle of feelings in her head, and it would mean people _knowing_ , and there’s no way to spin it that isn’t awkward.

Besides, she figures this whole thing — these _feelings_ — will blow over eventually, and better that no one else knew about it if she wants to pretend it never happened.

Basically, it’s the best way to ensure that her friendship with Caroline doesn’t get all kinds of messed up. And that’s the most important thing. So she bites her tongue when she feels like she just needs to _tell someone_ and becomes even more of a listener than a talker.

That’s sort of always been her role in the group, so it’s not hard.

Not too hard.

  
+

  
Her and Caroline plan a sleepover on a Friday night, when Elena’s off on a date with Matt. (And actually, she’s going to be _staying over_ at Matt’s, so the sleepover is also her cover story, but they’d be having it anyway).

Caroline mixes rum and cokes expertly – her mom won’t be home till way late – and they put on _The Notebook_ and settle down in Caroline’s bedroom. The one good thing about seeing a movie for the millionth time is that Caroline doesn’t shush her when she pipes up with commentary, and they end up talking and drinking almost more than paying attention.

“I can’t believe Elena’s going to lose it to Matt,” Caroline remarks at one point. She giggles, sounding a little drunk. “I mean, it’s kind of cute and obvious, but still… Matt Donovan,” she muses.

“They’re sweet,” Bonnie says almost automatically, but she means it, she really does. Elena and Matt _are_ sweet, almost overly so. Still – maybe it’s the drinks – she laughs too. _Sweet._

“Oh, I know, _totally_ sweet,” Caroline gushes. “I’m just saying, like, our little Elena could totally do _better_ too, you know? Like, more _exciting_ , I dunno.” When Bonnie doesn’t say anything right anyway she giggles again and continues –

“I mean, at least Grant was, like, _super_ hot.”

Bonnie freezes, just completely freezes as Caroline’s words sink in, and then – “Wait, what? You _slept_ with Grant?”

She’s turned to face Caroline, the movie completely forgotten, and all she can think is _what the hell_ , because she’s pretty sure that losing the v-card is something you’re supposed to tell your _best friends_ and this is the first she’s heard of it and her head is kind of spinning. And that’s from not the drinks. And—“You guys went out for like two weeks!”

And that is probably the worst thing she could have said, as made clear by the way Caroline’s giggly expression shuts down and she looks instantly defensive, even crossing her arms over her stomach.

“Well, _yeah_ , of course, I mean—he was my _boyfriend_ , Bonnie, that’s what you _do_ when you actually _have_ a boyfriend—” And then she’s the one realizing what she just said, and she winces. “I mean, shit, no, shit, that’s not what I—I didn’t mean it like _that_ , okay?”

There’s a burst of laughter from the television screen and Caroline fumbles for the remote angrily and hits the off button so the whole thing goes dead. Awkward, angry silence fills the room for a moment, before Caroline breaks it.

“Look, boys are _stupid_ , anyway, Bonnie. _Belieeeeve_ me.” She giggles, and shifts closer on the bed, and Bonnie realizes she hasn’t been keeping track of how much Caroline’s drunk so far tonight but it seems like a lot more than her.

“Boys are _stupid_ ,” she repeats with another giggle, and Bonnie’s trying to glance around to see how much of the rum is gone when Caroline topples into her—

And when she turns her head to face her, Caroline kisses her.

For the second time that night, Bonnie just… freezes. Goes absolutely still. Because even though she has thought about this way more than she would ever, ever admit, there is a difference between thinking about something and having it actually happen, and even more when it is only happening because Caroline is way more drunk than she is.

When she doesn’t react, Caroline pulls away and giggles again, and alright, Bonnie knows that she’s a giggly drunk (right before she becomes a mopey drunk) but she still kind of really wishes she would stop.

“What are you doing?” she finally asks, sounding maybe a little strangled.

Caroline puts on her most thoughtful face, and then grins wickedly. “Just… having fun… without stupid boys, right? Like—like last weekend, at Tyler’s party, like I did with Elena, when you weren’t—you know, you had that thing… And Matt wasn’t looking—” she starts to say, before dissolving into another round of giggles.

And that’s officially too much to process, but it certainly makes the situation clear, and so Bonnie forces herself to untangle from Caroline and try and get to her feet.

“What are _you_ doing?” Caroline pouts.

Bonnie swallows, ignoring the tightness in her chest. “I am getting water so you can sober up,” she says as calmly as she can while she heads for the kitchen.

Caroline calls out something that she doesn’t hear over the water running, but when Bonnie returns to the bedroom, she’s passed out asleep.

  
+

  
She wakes up in the morning alone in Caroline’s bed, though she remembers falling asleep last night with a warm leg against one of her own and Caroline’s face in her neck for a while (because Caroline always has been and always will be a cuddler).

Bonnie yawns, stretching out her arms before she gets up and realizing that she fell asleep in her jeans and sweater instead of changing into pyjamas. She pushes some wavy strands out of her face, too tired to care much more than that about the state of her hair as she slips out of the room and makes her way to the kitchen.

Caroline’s buttering slices of toast and perks up when Bonnie enters the room. It's downright annoying how perky she looks but when she flashes Bonnie a grin, she can’t help but smile back.

“Good morning!” Caroline pushes over a plate with a piece of toast.

“Thanks. Good morning to you too.” She picks up the toast and takes a bite from the corner. “You look like you’re feeling okay?”

“Oh yeah, totally.” Caroline purses her lips. “Look, I’m really, really, _really_ sorry,” she says quickly. “You know, for going all… crazy lesbian-like on you last night.” She laughs nervously.

Bonnie takes another bite of toast before she can say anything stupid, like _Oh, you shouldn’t be_ , or _No problem, but out of curiosity, any chance you still feel like making out?_

“Like, I _mean_ it, Bonnie, really,” Caroline continues, “I wasn’t trying make things weird, I was just drunk, and so, _so_ stupid, you know me—”

She actually sounds like she’s _pleading_ and Bonnie swallows her toast quickly so she can interject. “It’s fine! I mean, totally fine. Don’t worry about it.”

Caroline looks relieved, but only a little. “You sure? ‘Cause I mean it, like, really, really sorry,” she says, and Bonnie knows that Caroline’s only saying it because she truly cares, but it doesn’t change the fact that this pretty much the opposite of anything she wanted, and that kind of sucks.

“It’s _fine_ , Caroline,” she says again, and manages a smile. “Seriously.”

Now Caroline brightens up for real, a fresh smile on her face. “Okay, good! ‘Cause I was so worried, and I mean, you’re my _best friend_ , Bonnie, okay?” She reaches out and squeezes her hand. “ _Best friends forever_ , right?” she teases, the same words they used to repeat with Elena when they three of them were in primary school.

And the worst thing is how _nice_ Caroline is being, how _Caroline_. Bonnie can’t exactly to tell her to stop, even if it’s all starting to feel rather suffocating.

So she agrees instead, “Best friends forever!”, and wonders cynically how those three words that were always so magical manage to feel like a life sentence instead.


End file.
